i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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