Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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