My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
