I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
