he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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