It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
