I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
