I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
