Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
