I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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