i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
