finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
