Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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