good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize