I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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