i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize