i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
