saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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