I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
