I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
