As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
