Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
