My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
