Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
