i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
