I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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