Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
