After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
