They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
