Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
