I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
