I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
