I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
