I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
not ubering you a puppy
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