He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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