Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
