Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
