also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
