Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize