so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
