At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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