No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
