EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
