I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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