i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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