Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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