worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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