batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
