hell yes lets make some ravioli
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
