I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
