I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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