Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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