i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
