Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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