What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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