Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
