Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
