How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
