Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
