Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize