I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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