So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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