I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
