There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
