Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
