its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
In other news, I just burned my penis
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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