piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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