Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
