wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
