clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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