Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
